Prompt #3 at the Sandbox Writing Challenge asks “what keeps you from being still?”
This isn’t a spontaneous response as I’ve been considering and pondering this prompt since it was posted last Tuesday. I’ve had to check several times, which is it, being still or unstill and is it asking anything else?
Physical pain and discomfort keep me from being still, while up and about part of the day, maybe up to six hours average, sometimes longer, at detriment to following days ability. At the same time, those things that keep me from being still, pain and discomfort, coupled with easy exhaustion, are also the things that put me back to bed, stilled.
On the whole my life seems very stilled for lack of medicinal healthcare and denial of disability entitlements. I’m stuck at this staysis point of so many barriers and obstacles to improving health and stamina and no way of overcoming them (as that relies on money to support my health costs).
Still, I’m not entirely still. The better I manage to vary activity and allow rest, the more productive and efficient I can be. I’m still not good at accepting how very little I should be attempting but am very incapable of achieving those bigger things I think I can sometimes do, leaving horrendous muddles of unfinished stuff to just wait with the backlog of unfinished things. A simple blog post or a twenty minute drawing or managing to cook a half-decent meal feels like such an achievement.
The prompt question perhaps suggests ‘restlessness’ and uneasiness with self…I just don’t wanna go there. Still, I might like to play better with the idea another time…