I tend to mostly rely on myself, going without the help I need, if necessary biding my time until I am eventually able to help myself. Gritting my teeth, saying a prayer perhaps, crossing my fingers, hoping for the best in the end.
Hoping whatever it is simply resolves sometime somehow and will linger in the meantime while I distract from the impossible and implausible, hopefully without things getting worse or becoming more impossible.
There are so many reasons why not to ask people for help. Because they live so far away and it’s not easy for them to help. Because they have busy lives and their own problems and responsibilities. Because I don’t want to put on them. Because I’d rather not ask than be told no for any reason.
Because sometimes obtaining help isn’t actually as helpful as it might be and sometimes causes other problems. Because sometimes obtaining help would incur costs I can’t afford.
Because sometimes obtaining help causes health impacts I can’t cope with. Because sometimes I’m too ill to explain the help I need. Because I can’t plan things reliably enough to make arrangements and can’t mess people around who might be willing to help by being too ill to wake up or get up and answer the door – or to be around and chip in while they help or explain where things are etc.
I might let someone close know I have a problem, without asking for help and see if they offer help. I try not to be upset when they don’t. I don’t blame them or resent them for it. Because I don’t expect anyone to help and so am not asking.
So no, it’s not easy for me to ask for help when I need it. Why? Just because…