Writing365 #6 – No regrets?

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Is it possible to both regret and yet not regret something? Surely it’s either or.

Anything I might have written in answer to today’s prompt would have to begin ‘While I regret…’ because accompanied by any shred of regret are the thoughts and feelings that balance those potential regrets back to the reasons why not to regret.

So, I regret my long-term relationship ending in 2009, BUT… I’m no longer a slave in service to a selfish, stubborn, controlling man. Etc.

I regret dropping out of uni in my first year BUT my student debt was less than if I’d continued (my health made it impossible anyway). Life would perhaps be different because I’d have a degree which opens access to a wide range of work opportunities however incompetent you might be and however much you need to learn to be able to the job. As my health often prevents doing a conventional job a degree would have been useful for all those that allow flexibility and working from home. It would also have been useful for potentially applying for loans or business funding, any time I might have been well enough for a few hours self-employment.

If I’d had a degree then while I was managing a few hours a week work-related activity outside the house during 2011-12, then instead of only attending training for a few hours a week, I could actually have applied for a job I could do at the art gallery. To be a gallery assistant you need a degree even though standing around doing nothing much most of the time, which I might have managed for up to four hours a couple of times a week back then. Maybe my stamina would have improved with the beneficial psychological effects of being able to work and I might have managed gradually increased hours. I’ll never know.

So, perhaps that’s the one thing I can I regret for the purpose of reflecting how my life would be different if I’d made another decision, having to give up my degree studies – although actually the decision I made wasn’t really a choice. I couldn’t choose to have better health and be able to continue. I had no control over how ill I was at that time. Had there been a part-time option for my course with greater flexibilty then may be I could have continued. I couldn’t have extra time to catch up and take things more slowly and you had to attend for fees to be covered by the grant funding. For part-time studies there was no funding assistance to pay course fees and I had no way of paying fees myself. Student loans weren’t available to pay part-time fees back then.

So, “regrets, I had a few, but then again…”

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