Sandbox 6 – Holding me back…

What is holding you back? is this week’s prompt from the Sandbox Writing Challenge.

To say that nothing holds me back would be a contradiction, but whenever capable, nothing holds me back.

In the main it’s my health issues that hold me back from the most basic of activities I’d otherwise be doing.

photo taken during Photo101 June 2015 (for the 'Home' prompt
photo taken during Photo101 June 2015 (for the ‘Home’ prompt

I can’t plan when to do even the simplest things most of the time. On waking I can only plan as far as the first and next thing to do and may not reach as far as the next. I usually have an overall idea of what I hope to achieve in a day but can’t map out a certain plan. Many things on my days to-do-list have to be postponed for realities of physical incapability.

I so often don’t wish to discuss my health but I find myself doing it for writing prompts either because I can’t escape those facts or because I’m not well and can’t with-hold the rant. In all sorts of ways it becomes the only thing there is relative to any appropriate response to those prompts.

I could of course say lack of money holds me back. However, while I still have enough cash for calling taxis to take me away for a visit or for shopping or any other activity, I’m still often not well enough. As soon as I am well enough to do something I just get on and do it, spur of the moment – now is the time…and I keep going as long as I can. Fear of the days and days of worse illness for trying never stops me – otherwise I wouldn’t even be writing.

What holds me back is not being able to stay up on my feet long most days. What holds me(oh my) back? My pillows, supporting me to sit in the only way that’s comfortable to sit and type and to sit the only way that doesn’t further reduce my ability to move at all.

I rest because I fall off my feet and cannot possibly stay up any longer. I force myself to write while I have any viable function left, until I really must close my eyes…

I play whenever I can in whatever way I can to experiment, to learn, to achieve, to develop, to explore and probably most of all, to distract myself.

What holds me back? The beast within that sucks the life from my flesh and bones…

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