Late again (MLA)

it may be grey and miserable, using the lower case i as a lower caste english person of no caste and no class system in British culture of my near fifty years… the high and mighty here made sure the majority recognise their shows of ‘no class’… but anyway, a break in the hot sunny weather we had for a week or so in April and again toward the end of May, would be nicer if it wasn’t quite as chilly. Not many nice days for going out with particle activity in the air too often and feeling coastal ionisation in the midlands is a bit unsettling too.

Dread to think what must be going on in other realities. Maybe it’s just nature and I’m completely barmey for ever wondering on anything.

I hadn’t planned a ‘hiatus’ but for April I was planning a post to say, I need a rest. Not been blogging properly for ages anyway. Guess it shows. Hopelessness.

Anyway, hopefully, now I’ve felt like enjoying some music and noise-making again, devising geriatric keepfit practise in my kitchen, jigging along, nearly keeping up with the washing-up and not really worrying about anything too much.

Political representation all stood down so there’ll be some celebrations in retirement and enjoyment of life then, hopefully. The whitewash that follows could be nobody’s business. Hang on, I’m just putting ‘Anarchy for the UK’ on for a listen, 4:40am, Japanese walls, gotta keep it quiet…

can’t find it, probably not blog if I put that on… Meat Puppets instead, Forbidden Places…

yeah, right, flippin’ CD player reads like I have to have authorisation and current displays ‘no disc’… funny thing is that ghetto blaster hadn’t worked for discs in ages, till I went to the shop once a few months back. Now the usual tinpot kitchen player got trashed for CDs and this old one magically worked again. Maybe just needed a nice long rest. So, old ‘pirate’ tape (archival back-up) with Chemical Brothes, ‘Dig Your Own Hole’.

We could find ourselves suddenly awakening to an elitist world of traumatised indignants for whom we have no contextual understanding of why our clumsy classless Englishness is so bloody offensive to still be allowed our own freedoms of expression.

Because we might have had a slither of factual news here and there but we had a couple of ‘news blackout’ times here and there too. Just news washes away so fast and can easily be replicated or filled with ‘convincers’. So who the hell knows what’s round the corner. I’m paying no attention to media. Obviously. Most of the time. Fave local radio on – in the next room -but their transmission keeps going down occasionally – maybe can’t afford 24 hours and people get ill or stuck in traffic so don’t assume no broadcast is blackout, tech issues. Interference.

So i’m looking forward to a little bit of spring-cleaning and maybe painting the alcoves in the living room – I bought enough paint when I moved in five years ago. Would be nice to get round to that. Matches the chimney breast’s old ‘Khan’ style (BBC sitcom) wallpaper only there’s was yellow mine’s not. It might be July before I get round to it. I’m already late. June!

B52s on archive mp3 somewhere to hand – June Bug and a jitter along jotting… if i can’t find that an old Talking Heads tape and Road to Nowhere etc will have to suffice. Cardiacs ‘the Whole Window’ when the disc player co-operates.

I do know i should use a semi-colon in lists. But preferred the full stop. Period.

Any way, i disrupted listing.

If I were going to the cinema I might like to see the new movie with judi dench as Queen Victoria. But there was a youtube ad for a psychological thriller about disappearing people that looked fascinatingfor both storyline and cinematic effects. Dunno that the adrenalin would be good for me so a cinema would be the best place to see that. Can’t remember the title. Knowing me I’ll arrive at one and decide to watch whatever the kids animation is. Last film i saw at the cinema was ‘How to train a Dragon, it was fantastic. Glenn Miller Story on youtube was a fab find a few months ago. i tend to find myself always not really having any leisurely time at home, in spite of my obvious laziness of lifestyle. Restless.

I could look forward to planning a trip to the seaside.

February is the best time for a day at the beach on any day the fish and chip stop still opens. But I might plan a day out anyway. And a day away.

I’d look forward to good news but should know better. So I look forward to ignoring whatever it is and try to live with more gratitude and try and make some progress.

Work in progress. I look forward to three lingering assignments to complete and some really excellent reading opportunities, even if I only get as far as extracts and passages. Currently reading ‘Under the Sleepless Mountain’ by Parijat – the English translation maybe misses the beauty of the original language. I might have to look for an audio book in the original language so I can hear it. I don’t mind not understanding. There is still so much you can experience in listening to language. And I will already have some familiarity with the story. I’ll have to pencil-in a window-shopping at Amazon day for that.

I bought a couple of Cid Corman books – one of short essays and one of poems. Got as far as the end of chapter one in reading Stephen Fry’s ‘The Ode Less Travelled’. Iambic pentameter is a stumbling block. Until I can do that excercise, I am going no further. There’s alot of poems I want to look up now he’s pointed to  them. We didn’t learn poetry in that formal classical style when we were schooled in state education. We learnt natural poetry. It’s not that it’s easier – but it makes it very difficult to learn the antiquated style. It gets traumatic though realising the origins and corruptions of language and the historical happenings are nightmarish.Perhaps that’s why.

Looking forward to learning more, contextually, about differing styles and forms of international english and finding my concerns about global pressures to standardise our native language to AmEn style are impossible to achieve when region to region we all value our natural language and prefer to respectfully uphold cultural rights and traditions of all. Wishful thinking.

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Need to get on. Looking forward to being in better time with MLA next time. And maybe getting back to… Cheers (and Soap!)

 

 

 

 

 

Monthly Look Ahead

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Source: Seasons…. Writing

Hey it’s really nice to see a spring in someone’s step and stepping into sunshine or snow sending love and good wishes and hopefully so… it’s really nice meeting real nice blogging neighbours in this wonderful virtual world here at WordPress! i dunno about you guys but I love it here (WordPress generally, I don’t mean ‘at my blog’! BUT I haven’t been getting around and about as much as I would have liked BUT I know you don’t mind cos isn’t it nice sometimes to get a bit of peace and quiet and taking time with other peeps 🙂

So, wherever you are in the world, hopefully that’s not in floods, wading through waste-water’s no fun… and thankfully here, I’m not, but some may have been, but this lunchtime, the sun is shining and the weather is fine.  (is this post too long for a ‘status’ format?)

I love Sarah’s blog(s) and the co-learning encouragement and virtual coffees and that’s a great Springy post I thought I’d share while saying thanks to you all who drop by here and there too 🙂 #blogging101 was fun trailing through july and august in our own time and at a comfy pace but 2015 was an age ago now! Y’all planning a two-year(or-plus) reunion splash post for virtual summer fun? Or we missed your earlier classes blogging celebratory posts already…? Anyone ready to help us save Blogger’s World somehow, stop it slip sliding away while Anand, Rashmi, K. and all the others who puts so much effort in early on and along the way – is your commenting or author level access even working there? Today’s theme is sposed to be ‘tuesday trivia’ if anyone’s up to posting to it, do it! Be nice to see some returning community spirit but ‘we gotta figh,.. for the right,.. to p-a-r-t-y…’ as the Beastie Boys would lead us to believe! #everydayinspiration (hook’em wivvaquote’ll never work, will it???)

 

Marching on – it’s MLA time again!

Here we are again as Monthly Look Ahead flies round so soon…

…and there’s much to look forward to these next few weeks. I’ll be another whole year older by the end of the month – and glad that doesn’t happen every month. Whether I’ll be any the wiser for my older age remains to be seen, but I’d hedge my bets toward ‘most unlikely’. 

As usual there’s ongoing blogging goals. I can’t be bothered to think about them much just now, kind of mapped out already and more of the same ole same ole and lots of lingering to-do’s.  I don’t know how long this ‘blogging my way back to life somehow’ might take, but I’ll get there, wherever ‘there’ might be. Maybe I just need more determination (to get a life, not to blog! LOL). This month I’m still looking to get my blogging house in order and retaking the BloggingU customisation and everyday-inspiration ‘courses’, but not from here and hopefully not in my usual scatterbrained here, there and everywhere ways…

I’ll be carrying on my appreciation of Cid Corman and delving into getting to know Frank O’Hara’s poetry better. Hopefully I’ll be immersing  with reading and experiencing poetry aplenty, learning some more about more poets and maybe even trying to write some more poems myself too. Maybe it’ll help me drag myself into being more creative in other ways too, like getting a daily drawing routine going – it’s been a failing goal for much too long. I definitely could use some better therapeutic activity time and a lot more often.

Somewhere to hand I’ve some packets of flower seeds that should still be good for sowing. Increasing exposure to natural daylight and more outdoor fresh air would be a very good idea. Fairweather gardening might be do-able in small bursts, providing winter doesn’t strike with avengeance. Even if it does, there should be some window for gardening type enjoyment and the fencing really needs patching and propping up more sufficiently.

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This panel doesn’t really need my shadow to prop it up, unlike other parts in need of more than my shadow…

Although I’ve not yet made it onto the bouncerciser at all yet, nor my wii-fit, and even though excercise can be counterproductive they are at least available if ever I feel up to some. I live in hope. I used to love walking, just getting anywhere at all under your own steam, but my capacity and tolerance has been reducing year on year for the last eight years. It’s quite concerning to now, or still, be at this current stage and on the one hand seems totally unrealistic to be even thinking about excercise and on the other hand seems totally defeatist not to be. I’m managing up and down the stairs a bit better again – and quite often in comparison to a while ago. So, being grateful for small mercies…

I’ve been managing to eat more regularly without cooking much as such and have restarted co-enzymeQ10 supplements. They’re no good without good food enough and food’s not much good with insufficient enzyme production. So keeping up with food and nutrition and making sure to enjoy food is definitely on the menu again. Washing up may be off the cards most days of the week but I’m making sure not to make much of it by labour-saving strategies and by letting it wait around looking like still life. I even got photos to prove it but I’m not sharing those here and now. I might draw from them when I’ve washed up forgetting to get round to drawing any beforehand.

Anything else besides will be an added and appreciated bonus and be bound to get a mention – I almost forgot to add that I’ve managed quite a lot of reading books for pleasure these last few weeks. That makes a nice change. I’m quite enjoying reading Scott Nicholson’s post-apocalyptic ‘After’ series, they’re quite an easy read and very more-ish; I already finished the four books of his that I bought and so need to buy more – or find a better way of getting kindle books and ending my boycott, cos kindle versions are loads cheaper as well as having the environmental advantage and the instant delivery. Yet a real book will still work for very much longer than any gadget and there’s nothing quite like turning a page.

I haven’t forgotten my family, honestly, even if it’s not what it looks like; we’re quite long overdue for a visit but will get around to it eventually, one of these days…

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Monthly Look Ahead event hosted by Coolbeans4, visit their post for March here

 

Farewell February, onward March!

This was the scene beyond my backyard, on yesterday’s last morning of February…

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… and two days ago I spotted these two tiny snowdrops finally making their annual emergence and remembered to capture this somewhat hasty and poorly composed snap of them while outside with my camera to hand…

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Maybe this year I’ll manage something better with the garden! I used to love gardening but for all sorts of reasons I haven’t managed any here enough. These bulbs were brought with me from my previous garden at the family home I left behind. Nothing else survived beyond the first year. Bordering a country park and nature reserve type area there are creatures like moles around and my gardens shown signs of molehills for a few months now, so I wonder if the bulbs get eaten perhaps – or maybe there’s just too much shade and damp.

Here in the Midlands we haven’t really had winter so far, although it was cold today and there had been warnings of ice to look out for, though no sign of any by the time I got myself outside. Until ‘storm Doris’ hit last week – ripping my fences to shreds some more – winter has seemed unusually and eerily quiet and the skies have all too often been jewel shades of blue. I haven’t kept a sky-watch as much as I’d hoped for being quite out of sorts, as is embarrassingly obvious when looking back at my scatty ranting posts(!) Never mind, could be worse and if March winds doth blow, we could still soon have snow comes to mind, (but apparently that rhyme should be ‘The North wind doth blow…’ it’s just not how I remember it).Really, it should be daffodils making an appearance, given that  I did buy some daff-bulbs for this garden once upon a time and as it’s St. David’s Day… but two tiny snowdrops are better than none at all and will have to suffice for now. Maybe next year’s spring garden will be blooming lovelier… in the meantime, Happy March onward, hopefully 🙂

 

The Memory of the Thing Is (2)

I’m not having a lot of luck over on my blog in the Sketch theme and for some reason the ether ate my photo of a drawing I made yesterday and tried to share there this morning, along with a poem. I’ve put that on Facebook in order to try sharing it with the mooc community as it was a response to an excercise. I liked it better in the purple font I drafted it with, but had typed it into notepad then pasted it over to get the line spacing how it needed to be and my dashboard locked down and I had another stressy wasted day trying to resolve whatever in my settings was making stuff weird again.

You might not want to read it on Facebook, or at all, but here it is again.

Or it was. And now its gone. What IS going on at WordPress? Did I slip on my mobile phone screen while trying to post? I have lots of problems using this although I have managed a small few times. Oh well. Another post losing MY content! I’ll get my poem on here sometime when something works. Its at my public personal facebook (colette.bates.58) not to mix me up with my virtual volunteer. Cuz. Tho I’m mixing me up fine all by myself! It opens fine in the window  there above.

I got stupidly overly concerned that it (post prevention and photo-uploads vanishing) was some kind of political overanxious control from the totalitarian DTrumpUS freakystuff that our media-hype is leading us to maybe believe. As if there could be a yankeetakeover of the UK – the good women of nearNotts with their potato mashers are enough to scare off any threat, so legend has it!

I’m wondering if I should bother with much else if it’s going to be shoddy at this draughty old run-down station. There are holes all over this platform. Is it some silly bitches’ stilettoes? They tend to be ruinous with all kinds of floors!

ME and mine

One of the really BIG problems of having lifelong Myalgic Encephalomyelitis is the misinformation generated widely in societies about chronic fatigue. Nowadays, the popularisation of the dustbin diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (as it was wellknown by in medical circles prior to the formalisation of the CFS strategy) is having devastating negative impacts on people with all kinds of specific medical conditions including cancers, HIV, multiple sclerosis, heart disorders, strokes – you name it and I’d bet you’d find someone denied a true clinical diagnosis and necessary treatment and support services under this bizarre outcome of CFS Strategy misimplementation.

Chronic fatigue is a general population issue and can affect anyone for varying reasons. Post-viral fatigue, similarly. Neither of these conditions of general temporary ill health are ‘a syndrome’. Neither CFS nor PVFS are necessarily M.E. [I experience PVFS as well as my generalised M.E. type health states.]

A smokescreen has been created with very widespread CFS propoganda by swagbaggers and swipesters – even the M.E. charities are forced to play along with furthering the CFS field in order to sustain their funding revenue.

M.E. patients are denied support as a result whilst the general public assume we receive support through CFS implementations. Nobody bothers to go more than two or three clicks to check information enough and so dole out repeated nonsense and assume they know because so-and-so-(web)info-states…

Nobody much reads the entire NICE2007 guidelines to understand the breadth of clinical knowledge, the limitations of NHS provision, the patient expertise and the knowledge of clinical experts. Propoganda still leads us to believe ‘doctors cannot diagnose this’!

The NICE2007 guidelines very clearly state that anyone diagnosed with M.E. or any other lifelong disabling illness cannot be diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This guidance was due to have been updated in 2014, but I didn’t notice any consultation, nor any news of it, but also haven’t checked yet. There was no such diagnostic label as M.E./C.F.S. in the 2007 guidance but C.F.S/M.E. is diagnosed after an initial Chronic Fatigue Syndrome referral is confirmed as illness with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.

This is a very complex issue that I didn’t wish to write about here today. To an extent I just have! [Only for interference with my use of my blog that distracted me away from my original post intention!]

It’s incredibly annoying, having a confirmed clinical diagnosis of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, with devastating lifelong disabling impacts, being expected to meet a class-based stereotype of what my human condition should look like. It’s also annoying when government money intended to help patients is usurped for job-creation schemes for psychological based therapies to the detriment of biomedical research. of course, there are more annoying things, and for us all!

Scientific findings since 1984 have been locked away under the OSA, allegedly – possibly along with my own genetic data from my original severe phase as a teenager and possibly those of other patients.

Books like the one I was reading in the photo that refused to upload to my media library at my other blog, lumping causes of ‘fatigue’ under ’emotional and behavioural problems’, trivialising even general fatigue, and ignoring so many physiological factors, as if you can think yourself out of fatigue states, only adds to those things that can make therapies more harmful for the patient.

The memory of things

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I came across my loose page the other day. I’ve been in health decline ever since I moved to this house. It’s a shame. Especially as it seems to have been a deliberate public-service/state-led ploy with full knowledge of the impacts of my lifelong disabling medical condition. The Equality Act 2010 has offered no protection whatsoever. But then, when you (I) find a healthy looking lady on LinkedIn using my name and what might be my qualifications from my (historic) attendances at local community education and training courses … well! Government to blame? Acquaintance(s)? Is this why my clinical medical record is denied? Or because I’m one of the research subjects whose genetic information was included in a top secret document that is being withheld from the British public – previously until 2025, now because we’re still alive and kicking it’s not being released until 2064 or something! Cheeky fuckers never even had my permission as a 13 to 17year old and never had my parents permission either!!! (That other lady using my name didn’t exist when I first checked for potential ID theft, I don’t believe she’s using WordPress, but she is practising professionally in some kind of field – a criminal one! -previously there was just a potential fraudster posing as a genetic scientist in Cornwall but that could have been a coincidence or just a piss-take because I was in the process of writing an article on familial incidents of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. I probably will find this won’t even post now because neither of main party of British government and possible US government / the World Health Organisation / the pharmaceutical industry would want an honest person trying to share any true factual information about their own patient expertise! it isn’t even actually what i would wish to blog about. But I do wonder why my stolen certificates have potentially been allowed to be used by someone else – and I do have other means of verifying that I attended those courses because I keep everything – notes, assessmentt forms and even have the photos the tutors etc gave me of our class during attendance! God! England is such a bogus shithole it’s unreal!!!